The Power of Saying “NO”

Why is it so hard to say NO? It certainly isn’t difficult for little kids (just ask my toddler). But it seems as we get older, we somehow adopt this notion that we have to say YES to everything and everyone. Why is that? Maybe we fear being politically incorrect or being labeled a non-team player. Maybe we don’t like to disappoint. Maybe we feel guilty or obligated to help others. Maybe we seek constant approval from co-workers, friends, family and even strangers. Maybe we’re afraid of “perceived” outcomes….getting fired, losing friends, upsetting someone, or missing out on a great opportunity. Or perhaps we feel that in order to attain the status of SUPERMAN, SUPERHUMAN or SUPERMOM we have to say YES to everything and everyone.

Well, I challenge you to think a little differently about this. NO is a little, two-letter, one-sylable word that all by itself can be a complete sentence. It’s a pretty powerful word…and at times, even more powerful than the word YES. Saying NO can have a profound impact on your life:

- It allows you to be honest with yourself and with others. When you say YES to do something or merely agree with what someone said, even when its contradictory to how you feel, you are in a sense lying to that person and to yourself.

- It helps you keep your priorities in check. If your priority is spending time with family…don’t volunteer for something that takes time away from them. If your priority is saving money…don’t spend it needlessly on consumer products. If your priority is losing weight…don’t give in to that greasy burger and fries.

- It let’s people know you’re in charge of your time…and no one else.

- It can be very empowering. You’re doing what you want and not being controlled by other peoples’ agendas.

- It prevents you from having feelings of resentment caused by doing things you’d rather not be doing.

- It keeps you from doing or saying things you’ll regret.

- It helps you avoid needless stress and procrastination. When you say YES to do something you really don’t want to do, you end up pushing it off and avoiding it until you absolutely have to do it, causing you unnecessary stress and anxiety.

- It helps you earn self-respect and respect from others. By saying no, you’re respecting your time, your priorities and your life.

Now, I know you can’t say NO to everything and everyone and I’m certainly not suggesting you be a jerk about it. I do however, suggest you start to change your mindset about saying NO and start to view it in a more positive light. Here are a few recommendations on how to make saying NO a little bit easier:

- Stop worrying about other people’s feelings. You are only responsible for your own feelings. If someone can’t handle your response, they’ll get over it. If they don’t, well…I hate to say it but that’s a sign of immaturity.

- Respect your time and your priorities. Don’t reschedule your time just to make someone else happy.

- Cut down on community service, volunteer work, late-work nights, etc (unless of course these are high up on your priority list).

- Cut down on extended family and friend obligations (not your spouse and kids). Although family and friends are wonderful and you may love helping them, sometimes they can be the biggest culprit to taking advantage of your time.

- Re-frame your words. Instead of saying, “I’ll get back to you” or “I can’t” say, “Let me think about it”, “That doesn’t fit into my schedule”, “I won’t” or “I’ve decided not to.”

- Be cognizant of your response and body language. Look the person in the eye, be brief in your response, use eye contact, have a calm yet firm voice, don’t use closed-off body language (hands on hips, crossed arms, rolling your eyes), don’t invade their personal space and don’t use inappropriate facial expressions (serious but not angry).

There. Not too difficult, huh? Ok, it’s a lot easier said than done but with a little practice you’ll feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of saying NO. Again, you don’t have to say NO to everything, but I’d highly consider saying it a little more often, especially if you’re feeling overextended and stressed out. As a matter of fact, my husband and I recently had to say NO to our family. We were planning to visit them this weekend but decided at the last minute we shouldn’t because we had a few other priorities to focus on. Although we were dreading the call because we knew they’d be disappointed, we did it anyway and guess what? They were totally supportive. Whew!

So, give it a try yourself and see just how empowering it can be. I bet you’ll start to feel a little less stressed and finally in control of your time…your priorities…and your life.